The foursome then takes a breather and talks to the crowd for a little bit. Mickey, now in the mood for another song, asks Goofy to go get some instruments. Goofy exits stage left, and comes back with a rolling cabinet full of household tools because apparently, he can’t tell the difference between a guitar and a fucking nail gun. Goofy is not just a dick, but he’s also dumb as shit and I hope he dies.
Mickey has no problem with this though, and he hands various tools to his three friends as they attempted to make some music out of things that you’d usually find in the trunk of a serial murderer’s car. I space out for a couple of minutes but then I hear Mickey utter the word “wish” like fourty seven times, which of course, cued the entrance of the Genie from “Aladdin.” The guy doing the voice-over actually sounded a lot like Robin Williams, which was a bit of a treat. I would have probably believed that it was actually Mr. Williams doing the voice work if this weren’t such a shitty production. The Genie takes over the stage as Mickey and company go to the back. The Genie then starts rapping. There are no words.
The lights dim and as they come back on, we see Princess Jasmine in commoner clothes at a market. She's really hot and has killer abs.
Imagine her as a real person. "Holy shit," right?
Jasmine has a chance encounter with Aladdin, and he immediately falls in love with her. She flirts with Al for a bit, but then up and leaves because she probably realized that she was a princess and that she shouldn’t be talking to a hobos. Al’s totally “bummed” out by this (See what I did there?), but he spots a golden magic lamp which was conveniently situated just three feet from him.
And this brings us to the most disturbing part of the show. Aladdin breaks the fourth wall and asks the crowd what he should do with the lamp. Of course, this led to four thousand children repeatedly yelling “RUB IT!” to a glittery, bare-chested man. Al then starts ferociously rubbing his lamp (I am still in shock at this point) and a few moments later, the Genie explodes onto the stage (Still very much in shock here).
Al then tells Genie about his lady problems. Genie asks a few harlots to roll out a mini-dressing room so he could give his pal an extreme makeover. This led to some sight gags with Aladdin donning some ridiculous outfits, the penultimate attire being a princess costume. Of course, the last one was a suit made for a prince, and Aladdin celebrates by doing flips off a silly looking mattress with his homeless friends. A giant, dancing rug also comes out while Steppenwolf’s “Magic Carpet Ride” played in the background, which I thought was pretty cool.
Al then sets off to find Jasmine, and he convinces her to go on a magic carpet ride with him. They sit on a rolling cart that went back and forth, while the giant screen gave the illusion that they were flying around the world. It was the world’s worst illusion. They end the number with a kiss, and exit the stage.
This paved the way for Mickey and his pals to return and they meet up with Sebastian from “The Little Mermaid.” Sebastian breaks into a song and the lights go out yet again, as some dancers with huge, glow-in-the-dark puppets of fish folk (including Flounder) come out and do a little glow-in-the-dark puppet dance of some sort (I don’t know what else to call it). This ends the First Act and we go to Intermission.
The Second Act starts with a 20-minute recap of “The Little Mermaid,” basically. We meet Ariel who’s this real hot mermaid and she’s little and she sings very well and she kinda wishes she had a legs and shit so she gives up her voice to Ursula in exchange for legs and shit and she goes on land and meets a dashing young prince and they make out
and her voice comes back and everyone’s happy.
We also get a performance from the Daughters of Triton in between, who presented a medley of songs from the movie which inexplicably ends in them singing Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.” No complaints though.
I'd let them sing into my conch any day.
We then get to the “Toy Story” part of the show, which was very, very disappointing. The actors playing Jessie, Woody, and Buzz just didn’t do their characters any justice. Even the adorable Bullseye playing skip-rope couldn’t save this trainwreck of an act. Once again though, the voice work was surprisingly spot-on, but then again, I highly doubt that any amount of money could convince Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, and Joan Cusack to partake in this suckfest.
Anyway, the show ends in a medley (Surprise!) with all the characters who appeared on the show. This medley also managed to squeeze in samples of Run DMC and Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way,” the Baha Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out,” and Toni Basil’s “(Hey) Mickey.” I can’t recall exactly when it was played but the theme from “Psycho” was also sampled (*shrugs*).
Overall, it was a really shitty show. Again, this was just something that I didn’t expect from a company like Disney. I saw “Disney On Ice” with The Incredibles two years ago and that was off-the-chains awesome. This Music Festival just felt half-assed. Also, it had that retard Goofy. Fuck you, Goofy.