But what am I talking about, you ask? Consider that by the time Natalya’s bowels started chronically acting up, the buzz for the Divas of Doom tag team with Beth Phoenix had pretty much died, and Natalya was meandering in Divas division limbo. Almost instantly after Natalya broke wind on TV the first time, not only were everyone angry, but they sympathized with her, and that sympathy would only grow in the coming weeks. And it didn’t take long for Natalya – the person, not the TV character – to gain a somewhat vocal following. It’s smark sympathy, and if that’s not getting over, then I don’t know what is.
So now, we’ve figured out how it was designed to get Natalya over, but the question remains: is it right? No, of course not. Who the hell in their right mind would think it is?
Last week, I talked about how the John Cena vs. the Rock storyline was unique – and dangerous – because it was largely operating on matters that were more relevant behind the scenes. (Quick recap: Rock is on the offensive, basing his crusade on the sentiments of the anti-Cena fans, which is griping about Cena’s overexposure. And all of that is more of a matter of management’s decisions than actual in-ring merits.) The new Natalya character is more of the same – instead of building up a character naturally through the traditional wrestling narrative, she is being built up by pitting her as an unwitting victim against the broken WWE backstage system which gave her this humiliating gimmick. The only reason the fourth wall hasn’t been completely broken yet is because nobody is acknowledging it onscreen.
But the problem is that smarks get it. Most of them get it, and some of them get all of it. They understand what’s going on, and if they don’t, all you have to do is point it out to them. “So what,” you say dismissively, “it’s about damn time they stopped insulting our intelligence.” But that’s a completely different deal, and this is not the way to good, complex narratives – if my rationalization of this whole farting deal is actually correct, then what they’re doing is pandering to smarks by creating something only smarks can understand, but as a whole, possesses no inherent sense nor logic. In short, all sizzle, no steak.
Let’s take another example. Recently, the WWE also released a line of shirts full of nothing but behind-the-scenes terms, and not much else. It’s full of terms like “jobber,” “finish,” and “over,” among other things. Other than the criminally high price tag for just one of these shirts, which is surely highway robbery (it’s a plain black tee with just a few words, which anyone can make or have made in their spare time) these shirts have one major malfunction: Why? What’s the point? How are these shirts relevant to anyone or anything going on in the company right now? Only “heel” would have made more sense as Dolph Ziggler has previously co-opted that particular backstage term to describe himself, but otherwise, it’s a pathetic attempt by the company to endear themselves to their smarky haters.
Show of hands – who else in here is a conspiracy theorist? Because it does seem like the WWE is trying to undermine and sabotage the validity of internet fans by trying to turn what they think they know about the business against them. They tried to do it with Brodus Clay, which, as we all know by now, backfired gloriously, and now Vince has resorted to straight up keeping him from television. (Again, all conspiracy theories at this point.) As much as I’d like to antagonize Vince McMahon for doing so, this particular conspiracy theory is a little too multi-layered and, once again, too forward for a seemingly dense creative team. The theory of Vince sabotaging SmackDown on its ambitions of going live on Tuesday nights by stacking Super SmackDowns with horrendous cards, on the other hand, is easier to prove, but I digress.
Whatever this whole Natalya angle is, whether it’s really buffoonishly unintentional or meticulously premeditated, it’s slowly leading to a new narrative paradigm. The metaphorical backstage – and all its codes and rules and norms and nuances – is becoming a new setting to be utilized by the wrestling storytelling process, when it has only been occasionally alluded to or briefly used in the past. Along with Rock/Cena, along with the Miz’s ramblings on how his hard work should translate to more exposure, and really, more wins (in kayfabe, if he truly was working hard, wouldn’t he already be winning a lot?), these are the kinds of angles taking us there. And I guarantee you, that won’t be any fun.
Because, you see, there’s a reason pro wrestling – actually, fiction in general – is branded as escapist entertainment. Their world exists separately from the circumstances and rules of reality, as much as possible; this reality includes that which exists behind the curtain and in the locker rooms and offices that they don’t let the camera shoot.
CM Punk, through his infamous sitdown shoot promo, tested the foundations of this barrier separating wrestling’s other world, but ultimately left it intact, even when he went to town on Johnny Ace. However, if we must utilize such tactics, then it’s best we learn from none other than Zack Ryder, who has mastered walking the fine line between kayfabe and shoot. Ryder used backstage terminology on Z! True Long Island Story, endearing him to fans and creating his cult following, but left that all behind once he was featured more on television.
If we move into that reality, we’ll get storylines about wrestlers proclaiming their worthiness to be WWE Champion because they have the best workrate. We’ll see people berating other people because they’re terrible on the mic. We’ll hear promos arguing on who sells the most merchandise. If it sounds a little too far-fetched and improbable, then good. We can only hope that it won’t ever come to be.
Because if we leave this unchecked, we’ll get something like that. And that’s not pro wrestling.