Match 1: Billy Gunn vs. Jimmy Yang
Billy comes out first, to AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long." He's wearing black tights with "Kip" written on the front; I guess it was from him VKM days in TNA. He still looks jacked and was chewing on some gum, as always.
Jimmy then makes his way out and he's still in his Wang Yang persona from his last run in the WWE. His music was some generic country song and the audio in the arena was really shitty. All the entrance themes sounded like they were ripped at 80kbps.
The two play with the crowd for about 5 minutes and finally start off with a collar and elbow tie-up. They go back and forth until Jimmy gets the upper hand with a nice headscissors takedown. He whips Billy into a corner and climbs up the second rope for a ten-punch, which Billy sneaks out of and he delivers a sick clothesline that turns Jimmy inside-out. Irish Whip to Jimmy into one corner and Billy goes to the opposite end. Billy delivers a crotch chop and yells "Suck It!" He charges at Jimmy but he misses. Jimmy goes up top and hits a moonsault on a groggy-albeit-standing Billy and the referee drops down for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Jimmy Yang
Match 2: Daivari vs. Hurricane Helms
Colt then introduces Daivari, and mentions that he's a former X-Division champion, which I thought was pretty cool. Daivari taunts the crowd, as expected.
"Stand back, there's a Hurricane coming through!" Helms makes his way out with a girl who won some contest. Jesus Christ, he got really fat. This is probably his first match since his motorcycle accident. Hurricane starts playing a little "Yay-Boo" with the crowd by raising his fist (YAY). He then points to Daivari (BOO). Raises his fist again (YAY). Points back to Daivari (BOO). He then points to referee Rudy Charles (YAY). A "Re-fe-ree!" chant then erupts.
The bell rings and we start with another collar and elbow tie-up. Helms pushes Daivari to the ground a couple of times and Daivari is pissed. Daivari shoves referee Rudy Charles out of frustration and this prompts Charles to take his shirt off, which he tosses to Helms. Helms puts the stripes on and apparently we're going to see Daivari square off with Rudy Charles! Helms calls for the bell. Daivari gets Charles in a headlock but Charles pushes Daivari to the ground too. Helms finally gives the shirt back to Charles and we're back to Helms vs. Daivari. Helms delivers a hip toss and an eye gouge and Dai--- I'm sorry. Helms got REALLY FAT. Anyway. At one point, Daivari sneaks in a low blow which leads to the Camel Clutch, the official finishing maneuver of all Middle Eastern wrestlers. Helms wriggles his way out of it, heaves Daivari into the ropes and delivers a back body drop. Helms hits the chokeslam and we have a winner. A really fat winner.
Winner: Hurricane Helms
Match 3: Jillian Hall vs. Melina
Colt introduces us to another contest winner who apparently will be the guest announcer. This douche gets booed the fuck out of him and he actually never got on the mic. Jillian comes out to "Toxic" by Britney Spears and yoinks the mic away from Colt. She sings "Baby, One More Time" but the lights and audio go out. Melina then heads down the ramp and she is soooo hot. Want to touch the hiney. Anyway, she gets her split on and we're off.
This actually turned out to be the second best match of the night. It was fast-paced and both women really got into it. Jillian delivers a sick knee to Melina's gut, but Melina bounces back by pulling off her Matrix move and throwing a nice back elbow to Jillian's mush. Jillian then steps out onto the apron and Melina gets her in some sort of leggy version the Tarantula. The action spills back into the ring and Jillian gains a bit of control until she misses with a cartwheeling leg drop. Melina gets Jillian in a headscissors armbar (shades of Gail Kim), but Jillian counters with a Samoan Drop. Jillian whips Melina into a corner and charges at her, but Melina avoids it by hopping up and she delivers a nice Powerbomb-Sunset Flip combination for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Melina
The aforementioned contest winner then gets in the ring and shares a beer with Melina, and this prompts Luke Gallows to storm down to the ring (his music was "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys). He backs Melina into a corner and goes on with his Straight Edge spiel.
Rhino runs down for the save to some Rob Zombie song and an "E-C-Dub" chant breaks out. This brings us to:
Match 4: Luke Gallows vs. Rhino
Yet another collar and elbow tie-up starts us off. Gallows eventually gains the upper hand and delivers a sick Irish Whip on Rhino into a corner, and the ring moved! Rhino drops to the mat and Gallows takes control of the match. "CM Punk!" and "Let's go, Festus!" chants throughout. Gallows is really dominating here, until Rhino gains a bit of momentum with that side belly-to-belly suplex of his. Gallows regains control with a "jumping push," because he literally jumped and pushed Rhino. It was stupid. It was back and forth from here: Rhino with a spinebuster, Gallows with a bicycle kick, until Melina comes down and distracts Gallows, which allows Rhino to destroy him with a Gore! Gore! Gore!
Winner: Rhino
INTERMISSION
Match 5: Snitsky vs. Carlito
Snitsky comes out and he's still in his baby-killer gimmick. I think he was using his actual music from the WWE, or a really good ripoff of it. The crowd actually loves him. Carlito then makes his way down with the hot ladies from the opener, and his music is an instrumental, Caribbean version of "Guantanamera."
The bell rings and we have yet another collar and elbow tie-up. I can't remember what happened next but Snitsky found his way out of the ring and Carlito hits him with a baseball slide. Carlito then does a hands-free nip-up by boosting off his afro. Carlito makes his way out and stalks Snitsky. At this point I tell Bim that no one's delivered a chop yet, and right on cue, Carlito hits Snitsky with a knife-edge. WOOOO!
Snitsky fights back, and Carlito hides behind his escorts, who were seated ringside. The action then spills into the crowd. They literally fight their way up the arena, climbing past section after section and the crowd was going nuts. We were on the other side of the action and someone starts an "Over here!" chant. Indeed, they head back down and make their way to our side, but don't climb up this time.
They go back into the ring and I have a note here that says "punched in the balls." Someone really was punched in the balls, I just can't remember who. Anyway, Carlito delivers two more chops and a nice standing dropkick. Carlito goes for the Backstabber but Snitsky holds onto the ropes. Snitsky goes for a big boot but misses. Carlito runs to the corner and chews on an apple and spits in Snitsky's face. And that was that.
Winner: Carlito. By spitting into his opponent's face. What the fuck.
Match 6: Chris Masters vs. MVP
Masters is introduced first and he flexes for the crowd. The guy is jacked. Bim tries to start a "Wellness Policy!" chant, to no avail.
MVP then comes out to one of his original songs and he gets the second biggest pop of the night. I tried to start a "Power Ranger!" chant, and that failed too.
ANOTHER collar and elbow tie-up (I'm starting to get tired of typing this, but it won't be the last time) starts us off, which no one wins. Instead they go for a Test of Strength, which Masters dominates initially, but MVP reverses it by dropping to the mat and flipping backwards, twisting Masters' arms. Masters heads to the corner and they break. MVP hits a flying forearm and sets Masters up for the Ballin' elbow drop, but Masters rolls out. He goes back into the ring and gets whipped into the corner. MVP charges at Masters but misses with the running boot. Masters then hits MVP with a sick chopblock and starts dissecting MVP's left knee. Masters goes to the outside and pulls MVP by the leg, wrapping it around the ring post. They head back in and Masters stomps on MVP's leg. At this point Bim tells me: "I have the weirdest boner right now." I go: "That's cool."
MVP eventually bounces back and hits Masters with a nice overhead throw which I am most certain he learned from Chris Benoit. MVP hits some forearms and chops and delivers an awesome T-bone suplex. MVP finally hits the Ballin' elbow drop and nails Masters with the Overdrive, and the referee counts: 1! 2! Masters kicks out! Someone fucked up in the back and rang the bell, because it was only a two-count. MVP goes for another Overdrive but Masters counters with a nifty-looking sitdown spinebuster. MVP eventually regains control and goes for the 10-punch in the corner, but Masters slides his way out and sweeps MVP's leg. Masters sets MVP up for the Masterlock, but it's blocked. MVP tries to reverse it but Masters eventually locks it in. MVP is down but he weasels his way out of the full nelson, runs to the ropes and hits his Drive-By Kick. This time, it's official.
Winner: MVP, in the best match of the night.
Colt then makes his way back into the ring and tells us that it's time for the main event, and it is for the most important championship in the history of professional wrestling. Even he couldn't keep a straight face while saying this.
Match 7: Shelton Benjamin vs. John Morrison to crown the first ever WWFX Champion
Shelton makes his way out first, to Jay-Z's "Run This Town." Morrison's out next to Jimi Hendrix's "Fire," and he of course gets the biggest pop of the night. This is actually a rematch from the opener of the Smackdown live show here in Manila from 2009 and I was hoping that it'll be just as good.
Nope. It wasn't.
It started out reaaaaally slow, with, you guessed it, a collar and elbow tie-up. And lots of playing to the crowd. Shelton tries to walk out but JoMo chases after him and tosses him back into the ring. Morrison hits Shelton with a hip toss and nails him with that flare-to-legdrop move of his. Shelton once again rolls out of the ring and calls for a timeout. He gets tossed back in and receives a flapjack for good measure. Morrison goes for a clotheline but Shleton ducks and counters it by pulling Morrison's hair for a unique backbreaker. Morrison rolls to the apron and Shelton tries to reach over, but Morrison nails him with the Pele (AJ Styles still does it better).
Morrison hits a couple of short-arm clotheslines and connects on that running knee of his. JoMo goes for a pin, but Shelton kicks out at 2. Shelton tries for a suplex but it gets countered by Morrison into a side Russian leg sweep. This sets Shelton up for Starship Pain but Shelton gets up and whacks Morrison in the back, just as the latter was splitting his legs on the ropes. Shelton then carries JoMo on his shoulder and drops down on his knees for a backbreaker. Shelton goes for a thrust kick but Morrison ducks, and referee Rudy Charles gets blasted in the face instead.
Morrison goes for a springboard flash kick and he connects. He attempts a pin but the ref is still out. Morrison goes to check on the ref but Shelton sneaks up from behind and hits Paydirt, but the ref is still down. Shelton goes out and grabs the title and bashes Morrison in the face with it. Another referee (who looks like a young Erik Estrada) runs down and Shelton pins JoMo, but Morrison kicks out after 2. Shelton is livid, and he superkicks the new ref in the face. Shelton whips Morrison into the ropes and goes for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but Morrison counters with another side Russian leg sweep. This clusterfuck ends with Morrison pulling a prone Benjamin into a corner and nailing him with Starship Pain.
Winner, and the first ever WWFX Champion: John Morrison
Confetti cannons are fired from ringside and all the faces (Yang, Helms, Melina, Rhino, Carlito, and MVP) come out to celebrate with Morrison as we close out the show.
Overall it was a shitty show. I can't believe we dropped over 3 grand for this but then again, shitty wrestling is better than no wrestling at all.